“Secrets are made to be found out with time.”

Have you noticed that when you're upset or feeling ill it takes so much longer to eat? You have to chew an extra thousand times just to result in something you can actually swallow. And even then the food just sort of sits like a lump in the back of your throat until eventually it slides down and becomes another lump in the pit of your stomach. I feel lumpy. I was going to go outside earlier and get some fresh air, (HA), but I lack the motivation to do much of anything right now.

Mum made me some breakfast.

Yes.

My mother is home. So's my father. They're both home. THEY have a day off. It's not the weekend or anything, they just have...a day off. Thats unusual. Whats more unusual is that I would have thought, given my parents ARE back and everything, I'd be happy. But I'm not. I feel sicker than I did before and I can't shake the feeling that something isn't right. I must be going mad. I feel a bit feverish, I think i've over done it with the whole 'not sleeping' thing. Mum came in and made me take some pills earlier, I have a headache. I'm feeling a little better but still very tired. Mum and Dad haven't offered any explanation as to why they were both MIA last night. And when I asked Dad about the letter, he didn't seem to know what I was talking about. I'm trying NOT to worry.

I haven't shown it to him. I considered it. But something's been telling me not to. Something or someone. My instincts or my consience or something is screaming at me that there's something up but considering we never talk that much to begin with I'm finding it hard to take in. There's been a communication breakdown somewhere along the line and I'm finding it hard to trust myself. To trust me. MYself. And I. Perhaps thats what yesterday was. My subconcious telling me to trust my instincts. To be my own guide and all that nonsense. Or like Dad referred to it, 'Write my own story.' I don't know what's going on though. I don't know whether I'm in the process of following my own path now or if I'm still following the path someone's been pointing me to. Is someone else there pushing all the buttons? Am I just a puppet?

Am I going mad? Yes. Definately. My PARENTS are back. I should be happy. I should be very, very happy. So I will. Family time anybody? Yes. It's not often we get a beautiful day and it's not often they're off work to enjoy it. I should be grateful for what I have....because the world is a risky place and if you don't appreciate something whilst it's there, then the world will break you once it's gone. I think this entire situation has highlighted that for me, now more than ever.

I'm not sure who's reading this, but if you are I can be contacted here: angie2382@gmail.com I don't know what's going on and I'm not very good at any of this, I'm hoping they won't see it, but please, if you know anything or if you've heard from Berry, just tell me ok?